Darkness before light

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The year 2011 was full of important events for me. My wife became pregnant early in February which  was a good news!!! I was praying the Lord for a boy as we already had a five years old girl; but I was quite flexible and would be happy whatever gender it was going to be.

We had moved to a bigger house but we had some works to do on the first  floor to extend the house.

Meanwhile I was looking another job closer to our new house. The journeys between home and work had become very tiring. Over one hour by car. Over two hours by transport. I was exhausted!!

During this period, my sister found out that she had cancer and after having surgery in January that year, the doctors found out that there were still stems and she had to go through chemotherapy.

“Circumstances do affect you”

As I was actively looking for a job closer to my home, I came across an internal opportunity and applied. This new department was located less than 45 mn from home and the manager was really interested with my profile.

As I spoke with my manager, he was not too keen on letting me go and the new the position was filled by someone else. That was the last straw for me and I went to my doctor who gave me a sick leave.

Between the preparations of the coming of our second child, the works in the house, my sister’s health which was getting worse, the long journeys to go to work, I just could not handle it anymore. Yes, circumstances do affect us.

My doctor had allowed me to go out so I was able to visit my sister a couple a times. She was living in the east of France, around five hours drive from me.

She had lost all her hair and she was suffering every day. I was suffering with her. During this period I was so depressed that I could not pray.

“the Lord was with me”

I knew the Lord was with me but I could not interact with him. All the songs I was writing were really dark.

In the midst of all of this we found out that there were some complications with my wife’s pregnancy. Her womb was too opened for four months and she could deliver prematurely. She had to be confined to bed for the rest of the pregnancy.

At least, because I was in sick leave I could take care of her.

“Wedding, funerals and birth”

My sister’s health was not good at all! The good news was with her partner they decided to get married. They had been thinking about this for a long time and because the cancer was gaining ground very quickly, they thought it was important to get married.

They had been living together for more than twenty years and they had four beautiful daughters.

We celebrated the wedding on the 11th June 2011 at the hospital as she could not move. Too much pain!

I went back to Paris after the wedding and exactly two months after the wedding on the 11th August 2011 my sister went to the other side. She was only 43. I remember myself speaking at her funeral and saying that my sister is not in the coffin but she is somewhere else.

I was not sure where she was but I was hoping to see her again.

I went back to Paris a few days after the funeral and exactly two months after her death on the 11th October 2011 my son was born. Full of energy and strength.

I must say that he was the light after nine months of darkness. I praise the Lord because even through depression so I can testify that HE is stronger than everything.

I learned a lot during this period. The Lord is constantly with us even if we do not feel his presence.

Today I can say with the psalmist

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Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23 v 4

Keep this in mind

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Even if we  try to avoid them, difficult times will always come on our way. We should not be discouraged for they will reveal how close our heavenly Father is to us. It’s on the agenda of our journey on earth to go through them.